Hockey is great!

         So last night I had a very epic night.The night before last I was sitting being bored when I got a message from my friend Ashley asking if I would like to go to a hockey game with her.I was like heck yeah!So then we planned out how I would get to her uncle Cales to go to it.I settled for being dropped off over there around three.When I got dropped off it was cold and rainy,but I had an umbrella to keep the rain off me.I waited by walking around for Ashley to get home from school.Around 12 minutes later she was there.We played basketball with her neighbors until it was time to take Ryan to his Nan and Pa's then it was off to the game Cale told me he could sware me and Ashley were on crack because we laughed and laughed.Talked and Talked.I must be a good luck charm because we haven't lost one game everytime i've went.We had so much fun,and we ate TACOS!Cale bought the chulupa my mom begged me for although I said i'd pay,which was nice of him considering how much food me an Ashley already had him buy.Anyway like I said Hockey is great! :)

Why do you keep coming back to me didnt you destroy me enough!?!

                Ok so melodramatic much,but all the same why?Maybe writing about it won't help,but i'll do it anyway.
                Its like enough already my life is looking up now,and then all of the sudden boom that persons back.Come to destroy my happiness,and whirlwind me back to where I was at before.Only theres one problem im nowhere near as stupid.I grew a more thoughtful brain when I became a mother,an instinct to protect the one I was born to protect,Bryson.I was born to be his,and him to be mine bonded by the mother and son concept to which im so proud of.Noone will take that bond from me I refuse it.I'd gladly stand up to a grizzly bear to protect the boy I gave life too.So why would I be so stupid to fall in too the trap thats being set up for me.Im not,I won't be im smarter.

Secrets . . . Rumors

              Secrets are basically in every relationship known to man.Theres people you will talk to about everything,some only about ceratin things,and some that you won't talk to at all.
               Now i've had my run in with stupidity on the people i would tell everything to,but im not a fighter.When it cxame down to it I wanted the friendship rather than to care that they told my secrets I trusted them so soulfully with.As they spread like a fire you lose track of who told the next person,and then finally its too late everyone knows.How can you tell off a friend for such a situation when you know it was your fault for talking to them about it in the first place?Most of us have probably slipped one of our friends secrets out accidentally and by the time we felt bad about doing that it had already been spread through out the school (the bad thing about our small school).When it comes down to it maybe we should just put our secrets on lockdown inside of ourselves because talking about it does us no good.
              Next is rumors which is very common,easily spread,and sometimes right on top of the truth.Rumors have been around and will be around forever I think.Mostly because if someone doesnt like someone else they start a rumor,and just like the secrets it spreads like a fire until everyone believes it as true.Rumors can be very harmful to someones reputation,and thats why people use it as a good weapon.Basically the effect is pretty hurtful to the one the rumors spread about.
               I think we should try to stop telling eachothers secrets,and spreading rumors about eachother because in the long run its only going to nip us in the butt,seriously.

Oh do I have a match in this world

                       I really wish I could find the missing puzzle peice to my life.I don't want to be in love with the wrong person.The one that will say things behind my back or cheat on me.You can't trust to many guys not to do that,and thats the problem.I can't trust.Isn't trust the base of a relationship.I don't find it easy to trust a man with anything anymore,expecially not my love.Not to dis all men on the planet,and lots of girls cheat too,but most men do it.They don't care how beautiful there woman is they just do it.That breaks my heart.I don't see the point in an untrustworthy love.
                     I remember one of my friends saying that they had recently found out that their ex had been cheating on them during the relationship.She was really sad about it.I think I know who the ex was,but im not gonna say cause I could be wrong.
                    I just hope someday I find that man who doesn't want to look at anyone else,and who will help me raise the angel I gave life to Bryson.:).I know someday I will.

You read? . . . why yes I do thanks. : )

                   Im going to have to tell the truth,I haven't really ever been interested in reading until the last 4 months.My obsession came when Ashley loned me a set of her books called Nightworld.As I began to read I became surrounded by a whole new world in which I have never experienced in my life.Vampires,witches,werewolves,shapeshifters,and forbidden love what more could a teenage girl ask for in a book!
                  The first story of the first book was epic to even say the least i mean seriously it was that good.Ok,so in Nightworld it is forbidden to fall in love with a human or tell them about Nightworld.Punishment is death for both the nightperson and human.It starts out with a lively young girl named Poppy who is in love with James who just so happens to be lamia (or a born vampire) and who just so happens to love her back.When things take an exciting turn we find out little Poppy has terminal cancer and to save her life James must break all the laws of Nightworld by making her into a Nightperson herself.

                  The last story of the last book.Was about the third wild power (there are four wildpowers who are destined to save the world if the Nightpeople dont get them first) Iliana , who is a lost witch , who doesnt like the idea of all that Keller , a shapeshifting panther , and the gang have brought on her,and what will happen when Keller falls in love will Galen the Prince of all shapeshifters and the one Iliana is destined to be with.

                   That pretty much somes it up on books she will be lending me some more soon I hope.Here are some pictures of the books.(can't wait for the final book to come out of the Nightworld series)

Normal . . . if only you knew

                    Story of my life right.I put myself in situations that I can't dig myself out of.Im glad to have friends who not only understand,but forgive my mistakes,and don't judge me daily on the dumbest things I do.I know i've fought with nearly everyone of em',but so what.I love them all of them they are the best (other than the best of the best Bryson) Maybe they don't feel the same about me,but i feel that way for them.Through those little twist,and turns of life they are there.Someday,we may go our seperate ways,but I will never forget them if we do.Man,I hope we don't I don't want to be the only loser still stuck in this town alone.I know it could happen im just not ready for it.I didn't really grow up with them all.I did with Kirsten,Austin,and Rachael,I met Rachael because we are blood bonded,like second or third cousins,and Kirsten and Austin in kindergarten,but along that bumpy ride through school I met some other amazing people who changed my life.I failed the fifth grade along with Austin so I had to redo it and thats when I met more of the amazing friends I have today.Actually at the time I think I took up to Hannah and Seirra more oh how that would change.I met Ashley,Veronica,reunited with Kirsten,and we just had us a good ole time together.Until it took a big turn I had to leave that school.Noone had cell phones at the time,nor did I have computer.So we were pretty out of touch for near two years.I came back in 7th grade,and again our friendship was sweet.That year Rachael was my Slamma' Jamma' and everyone began the cell phone craze.Those were the days everyone was innocent.Then came along 8th grade,and for me things got alittle out of hand.My dad had completely moved out,my brother was sent off,and I was so desperate to be loved. At the time my current ex boyfriend of like a million times was still my boyfriend,but when he broke it off right at the end of the school year I pretty much went outta line there for awhile.Then come November 2009 I found out I was a expecting a baby who had no daddy.I went to home school in December,but kept in touch with my friends.Visited them and texted them daily.I still missed them though and still I sometimes do.Months went by until I found out it was a boy in Febuary.He had alot of different names.I fought with a specfic friend over his name,but his current name is perfect.May 19,2010 10:16a.m. Bryson Kyle Douglas was born.He did intrude on Veronicas birthday,but at least it wasn't mine haha (which the next day).There was an unexpected turn,as we found out he had a cleft palate.We had to stay at Vanderbilt Childrens Hospital for 3 weeks and a day,but going home was such a huge blessing.My friends had so much support,more than alot of my family had.Still til' this day as Bryson will turn 4 months old tomarrow they are there for me.
                                                    Thank you guys you have no clue how much you've helped me.Through pregnancy,birth,and motherhood,well and even before all that.You didn't leave me no matter how distracted I got.In the end thats all that will count.

Annoying!

            Do you ever deal with annoying things like somebody blabbing,and just getting on your last nerves so bad,but you just won't tell them?I do alot actually.I may not seem it,but im really very easily angered I just don't show it.I figure being nice gets you farther in life walk away don't yell because they merely talk way to much.I am easy to get along with,and this isn't about none of my friends,just about random out of the blue people in stores.I can listen to the longest stories without being annoyed if I know you,but if I don't I want to know why the crap your talking to me about your problems.Ok,I admitt this may be alittle mean,but I just don't walk up to some person in the store and say "I have to pee." because I don't figure they really want to know.Now if your my best friend and I see you in the store I may come up and say that because you know me and it won't freak you out.Well it might but you know thats just me and my weirdness.I just want to let you know noones actually came and told me that they had to pee randomly in a store thats just a example.That would be really creepy and i'd probably run screaming. 0: . hehe : )

Confident . . . well im getting there

                 Anyone and everyone that knows me knows im pretty down on myself.Im trying to be better at confidence,but with everything i've went through (being took advantage of and called ugly) I don't see a reason to be.I will be though,i've relized life is so short and everyone was made the way they were meant to be.So I will feel beautiful no matter what anyone says.I will stand tall,and never feel small.For everyone who has ever called me beautiful thank you.I will focuse on what you say not what they say.I will let myself shine rather than dull myself by the fear to be rejected.I will help others build there self confidence too.If you read this trust me your an amazing person.Don't let anyone take that away from you.We are all beautiful believe that,and let it show that you believe it.

Blabb. . .

            Ok,so recently I took up to this blogging thing and I actually like it thanks to my friend Ashley (thanks chick) :) .
             Im going to begin with today.It began to a crying baby as normal.I fed him,burped him,and he spit up all over me from my chin down to my belly button.That meant bath time for us.Then we came to the kitchen to watch t.v. (my computer wasn't working at the time).I put on my make up and straightened my hair as normal.My grandma woke up so we had to go to Tompkinsville.This is when the funny stuff happened.First we dropped off our prescriptions mine for birth control whoopi not haha.Anyway we went over to wal-mart and as we went in there was this old man.He looked at Bryson (my baby),then at me,next at my grandma.Then he asked, "Is that your grandson." she said, "No thats my great grandson." We walked away,but he keeped looking at her.We got in the checkout line,and he came to call me over,and then the shock of my life.He asked me if my grandma was married! I was like yeah.Then,I didn't mean to,really I didn't,I just busted out laughing right in front of the old dude.Poor old dude I felt bad.Well,after that we laughed along time.We picked up my birth control and whatever she got,and headed for home.When we got there my mom still wasn't home.When she got home she had KFC!Then to top that off that chick hands me $63!She must of been messed up,just kidding,shes just awesome.Anyway awesome day.
      Mostly im excited about the weekend tomarrow im going to hang down town.Then sunday its off to Rach's for a day off play,then its back to boring home for boring stuff.Anyway I think thats about all that happened today.

Me against the world

                Everybody on this planet has an opinion.Thoughts of what should be,shouldn't be,and what should have never been.Me I think internet is the bomb,sometimes people you love are going hurt you,and alchohol should have never been invented.Thats just me.You may think internets the devil,you can never be hurt,and alchohol is your sweet escape.This is a point of view only you can have its yours.
                 I want to begin with the biggest thing i think should have never been.Abortion.My opinion of it is that if you don't want to spend your time its probably best not to do the crime.Even if you don't want the baby theres better alternatives.I'd gladly take a thousand babies in as to let somebody take there lives before they get to even experience it.People don't even consider it murder.I do I consider it murder because that babies heart beats just as ours does.What has our world came to?When we can kill innocent babies,and still sleep at night.Im sixteen and have more sense than so many adults out there.
                The first thing im glad to have is makeup its one of those things that some people don't like,or don't believe in.I think it builds self confidence in ones self,and makes them feel more beautiful.I haven't got much to say about this just one of the opinions I thought about.
                 I think thats all im going to type on the subject.I couldn't think of anything else.
               
                

GRRRR! . . . . Fear.

          Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!Why did I take that nap at 5:30?Now im going to be up all night,so im simple going to write.
          All I can think about at night time is fear daytime is the only time im safe from thought when other people are with me.I dont tell people this,so maybe writing it will help.Fear is like a shiver in your body that starts from your feet to your toes because you know it will eventually happen,but you cant make the thoughts go away.You beg,but still it remains there.The only escape is sleep,or the day.I cry at night from fear,but I know im only letting it swallow me whole.I cant help it.Writing could be my newest escape if i keep on maybe it will make it feel slightly better.
           I guess i should explain what my fears are.Well,it actually started when I went to stay the night with a friend.We watched a scary movie that was based on a true story.Of course,my brain ever so dumb as people think it is,actually thinks alot more than they know.I started to think that night about death,and from there on it got worse.People I knew,family that I never got to know,and never will now,began to pass on.Nobody knew,I never told them I was this afraid.I tell myself your so young,why do you worry about this?,or its going to happen rather you like it or not,so get over it.Im just not sure I can deal with it when it happens.I'll probably throw up,or something.Anyway,its just was we born to endlessly think about the future,I don't believe we are supposed to.I think we are supposed to come to terms with it,but im still trying to.
         I think I have wrote enough.I will probably come back later and write more.For now,bye.